Musing At 3 in the Morning
by DaxLP
Summary: Harry considers all that Dumbledore, Riddle and Snape have done to in the lead up to Sirius's death. Contains a considerate and coffee deprived Harry.


**Disclaimer: Not mine, the millionaire Rowling owns this (why is it so different). X indicates new paragraph, more than one indicates separate piece of writing or A/N. Reminder if you think this is out of character, the title says it all. It's 3 in the morning and you're writing an essay without coffee, hell, pure and simple. You know that one shot I hinted at? Well this is it. **

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**Musing At 3 in the Morning-Live Another Life**

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_Light and Dark… Right and Wrong… Good and Bad…All of them just distinctions created by Man. Light-considered to be on side of the law and all things moral (__what is moral? Does it exist?__). Dark-considered to be against the law and immoral. Who are we as human beings to label things light and dark? When we ourselves are walking contradictions, and therefore are against the very things we preach and told to uphold in the name of righteousness? This being the case, there is no light and dark, only Life and the intent that so effectively clouds the world into believing Light and Dark exists…because they don't. They never have and never will, only the shades of grey between exist._

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_Why is it that we make such foolish distinctions between nothing? Is it to flaunt our superiority to lessors? Is it to define ourselves from the creatures around us in order claim that we are not just mere animals but superior beings? As I sit here and write, I still wonder…What is the thought behind such stupidity? Simple, there is none._

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_Harry Potter's Hidden Diary_

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A dark haired youth dropped the bent quill he wrote with carelessly onto the battered table in front of him. He slumped further down in favourite armchair, his emerald gaze drifting towards the hissing embers in the fireplace. 'Like the hopes and dreams of many who wander the Earth' he thought tiredly, 'running on sheer chance and dumb luck to keep going. Maybe Dudley _was_ right, and I am reading too much philosophy.'

Harry Potter had discovered philosophy during his holiday, and was forming views of his own. The Gryffindor Common Room was decked out in red and gold as per tradition, though it lacked the loud students who resided there during the day, leaving Harry alone with his murky thoughts and logical philosophy.

Harry Potter was alone in his insomnia, something the Durlsey's had not come to appreciate over the few short weeks he had stayed at Privet Drive. Even though they did not appreciate it, they preferred it to Harry's tortured screams of grief and fury that would rent the evening air. His Aunt's only worry was "what would the neighbours think", while his Uncle was more along the lines of "what if they're future clients?", either way they were both only concerned with their already pitiful reputation. A reputation that was scoffed and spat on by those angered with their arrogance and false superiority. In short, his summer had been far from pleasant, something undeniably worse than the last if you add the loss of Sirius.

He felt grief. Oh yes, much grief and guilt for his Godfather's death, but then he looked more closely at the lead up…and saw something that erased all his grief and guilt, replacing them with cold, determined rage. Harry had taken to brooding over the summer. It was during this time that he would trace back every wrong directly to their source, and as he did this he felt all respect for Albus Dumbledore and Order disappear and understood the reasoning behind Tom Riddle's hatred of him. Harry wondered whether Tom had simply done this as revenge against Dumbledore and found that he would not be overly surprised if he had used such a tactic. After all, knowing Tom, he would have known the damage he could cause with it and utilised it into an effective weapon.

One Albus Dumbledore was the cause of many problems and much grief in Harry's short yet agonising life. Albus Dumbledore had refused to even look at Harry, which lead to Harry's resent of him and reluctance to provide him with information. Dumbledore hid the truth. Dumbledore never told Harry the real reason as to why he had to have Occlumency lessons with Snape, a man who hated him with a passion and could never set it aside. Dumbledore never told Harry the risks or consequences if he didn't have it…and Dumbledore never told Harry the Prophecy or that Tom may attempt to lure him in order to gain access to it. It was Dumbledore who saw fit to place him in hell for eleven years and never inform as to why he should remain in such a state. As Harry's thoughts on Dumbledore whirled, he began to wonder when he had started calling Voldemort 'Tom', and found that he suddenly didn't care.

'Yes' Harry thought to himself, Dumbledore was responsible, but then paused to consider Snape's involvement.

Severus Snape had done nothing but insult and torment Harry since his arrival at Hogwarts. 'He mocked me, tormented me, insulted me, invaded my mind and even had the gall to call me arrogant, and like my father? A father that I never knew and has long since died?' It is needless to say that the murderous thoughts that followed would have done Tom Riddle proud, had he not been trying to kill him. 'He couldn't even set his hatred aside for even an hour' was Harry's bitter thought, 'and so continued what is now a two generation long feud. And this man is supposed to be my teacher…'

He then saw it in another way; from Snape's point of view. A half dead, insane lunatic could tell that Snape had no desire to be in the presence of his most hated enemy's son, because, quite frankly, who would? 'Looking back, Dumbledore probably forced him to give lessons like he forced me to receive them. Interfering old goat' was Harry's last thought on Snape and his possible situation before he considered an enigma.

Tom Riddle had been considered as the most brilliant student to have passed through Hogwarts. 'The most psychopathic as well' Harry mentally noted, reaching with a tortured air towards the discarded quill on the desk. Although he was the most brilliant he also had a 'disrupted' family, even if it was nothing compared to Harry's, he saw fit to take it out on the rest of the world. 'In all his eternal glory, Dumbledore didn't even try to stop him until it was too late. He could have done something when he was still at school if he knew. I wonder…if I ever went on a sudden, violent killing spree would Dumbledore refer to me as a 'mistake' to his next sacrifice-err-protégé?' Harry thoughts became more cynical as the night wore on. 'So he lured me to the Department of Mysteries, got my godfather killed and possessed me. I don't even have to consider his situation on that, but, then again it was a prophecy concerning him so I can't blame him, and it wouldn't have happened if Dumbledore had told me in the first place.' Even as Harry thought his quill was flying across the parchment in front of him.

'Why?' Harry wondered as he watched the rising sun and heard the early student getting out of bed as he hastily scribbled out his essay. 'Why did I have to burn my Potions homework and spend that time pranking Snape?'

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A/N: So, who wants to know what Harry did to Snape? All suggestions are welcome. :)


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